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May. 2nd, 2003 @ 04:42 am (no subject)

Muffin awoke this morning, as he does every morning, naked and screaming. He figured that if he was going to be born into the world naked and screaming, he might as well enter each day in such a state. Having excellent time management skills, Muffin realized that he didn't actually need to get dressed in order to make the breakfast that would power him through his normal routine. Here Muffin is frying bacon naked to complement his breakfast:

After breakfast, it was time to get ready for the long day ahead of him. He threw on some clothes and rushed off to work. He had always dreamed of owning a convertible to cruise around town with, but the lifestyle of a grad student didn't quite provide him with a sufficient amount of money to afford to do so. Thus Muffin did the next best thing, and swept his hair back and ran really fast to meet up with his boss at work.

Unfortunately, Muffin is an asthmatic, and thus is incapable of running for any significant period. He quickly became winded and was on the verge of collapsing, when he came upon a white mage. The lines between fantasy and reality became blurred(especially final ones) for Muffin as he remembered the healing magic abilities that the white mages drew upon for the benefit of all who ask. This particular white mage, whose name happens to be Rachel agreed to attempt to relive some of Muffin's asthmatic symptoms, though she did warn him that she had some unconventional methods. Being particularly light headed from not enough oxygen to his brain, he agreed to this, and she worked her magic on him.

Despite originally being doubtful of such unconventional methods of healing, Muffin felt a significant opening to his breathing passages. Feeling much more up to the prospect of returning to his commute, he thanked Rachel and continued on his way. This time, while only moving at walking speeds, he fared far better, and finally made his way to Laura, his boss. Realizing that he was indeed late to work and that she'd punish him if she realized it, Muffin quickly took Laura into an embrace, hoping that she'd forget about such matters.

However the guilty look of Muffin's face betrayed him yet again and Laura's punishment was cruel and swift. He had to suffer though the horrible fate of having the multiple brain sucking tentacles of the Tingler. He was only allowed to return to work (and escape the dreaded Tingler) after he managed to solve this puzzle and removed the ball.

This was a difficult puzzle initially, and it gradually became increasingly more challenging for Muffin as the Tingler slowly sucked out his brains through the strategically placed tentacles. After hours upon hours of work, the last surviving portions of Muffin's brain(being hyper energized with a surplus of oxygen flow) manage to remove the ball using sheer psychic force. After escaping his fate of being a mindless zombie, Muffin quickly changed into his proper escort clothes and started applying makeup to achieve the proper look.

Now that Muffin was properly dressed, he set off to work. The clientele was forgiving that he was late. In fact, it was almost as if they just plain didn't care entirely. He moved from side to side, and went up and down in all different directions. Thrusting and jabbing until he left his mark on the target for today. Muffin was like a machine, rhythmically leaving traces all over the place, until he was finally spent. The proof was done, and the whiteboard was never the same again.

Being done with a hard day of work as a logician, even with his limited capability, Muffin decided to celebrate by relaxing at night with some alcohol and some nice relaxing TV. Failing to realize that alcohol kills off brain cells, and could be the finishing blow to his severely damaged brain, he headed straight for the absinth (after properly lighting it on fire for maximal hallucinogenic effect).

As the alcohol wrought its havoc upon Muffin, he sat down and enjoyed some classic television. While not having much of a mind, Muffin was thus easily swayed by the programming on television, and thus he moved into a comfortable flaming gay pose for watching television.

One might, upon seeing Muffin in this pose, assume that Muffin was completely gay. Of course one would have to seriously reconsider this opinion of Muffin after they see him after he falls unconscious from the TV programs and sees that he moves into an alternate position inspired by Al Bundy.

Is Muffin gay, or is he straight? This question is left for the reader to decide.

About this Entry
South Park Style
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Date:May 2nd, 2003 02:06 am (UTC)
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Oh my freaking lord, that was funny. *laughing ass off*

My stomach...it hurts...
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Date:May 2nd, 2003 05:46 am (UTC)

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I now have a large quantity of water in my sinuses.

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Date:May 2nd, 2003 03:05 pm (UTC)
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clever, sir, very very clever.... : )