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Mar. 11th, 2003 @ 12:42 am Midsemester break!
Ah... midsemester break. One of the few times in which CMU decides to let its students have some time away from their endless streams of work. CMU students do indeed get a great value for their tuition dollars; they start classes earlier, end later, and have fewer days off per semester. Having received 4 rejection letters so far from the 7 schools that muffinsicon had applied to, he was feeling rather pessimistic about his prospects for graduate study. Muffin vowed that he would ensure that this midsemester break, he would find ways of escaping the pits of despair that his current lack of post graduation plans had thrust him into. Upon hearing that mkincaid and Conrad were making an excursion out to DC to visit her sister Jane, Muffin became very excited about going to see Jane, and reliving some of their past excitement together. Instead of asking Conrad or Mason if he could tag along, he instead managed to pressure Jane into allowing him the opportunity to visit.

Thus on Thursday, Conrad, Mason, Muffin, and zombiesrah(who had an interview in the DC area on Friday) set out for the nation's capital where misadventures ensued. Driving down was mostly peaceful, as Sarah came prepared with directions to get from Pittsburgh to her home. Muffin was particularly saddened by the lack of confidence in his ability to give directions, with prime examples like: "Turn rr...r..ri... er, I mean left! at that road that we just passed!", "Make that left turn.. no wait, not that left turn... the other left turn… see the one that that goes off to the right..." The group managed to arrive safely at Sarah's house to drop her off, and then the remaining members continued on to arrive at Jane's place to watch her demonstrate the kendo that she had been practicing and raving about ever sense she went to college. All of them were particularly impressed at Jane's skillful manipulation of wood swords, or boken as they are known in Japanese.

After watching kendo, Muffin was very excited about his prospects with Jane. He was making a great effort to follow Kevin’s advice, "If at first you don't succeed, try going after her younger sister." Thus, in preparation for this trip, Muffin decided to make passes at Conrad whenever possible hoping to get rejected, so that he could feel no qualms about attempting to go after her younger sister Jane this weekend. Conrad deftly dismissed each one, thus giving Muffin the confidence that he sought for the weekend. "What are friends for, other than to help enable them to go after one's younger sisters?" thought Muffin as he was carefully scheming his plan of attack for this weekend.

Unfortunately the world would not nearly be as interesting of a place if such schemes never encountered any difficulty, and Muffin’s difficulties took the name of Phil. Phil happens to be Jane’s boyfriend at the time, having made it through the quality control screening processes of her current Knight Protector, Dave, as well as a retired Knight Protector, Aaron. Muffin realized that he definitely has to take a step back and adapt his plans to the new information. Much of the problem may stem from Muffin’s lack of an actual seal of approval from the circle of current and former Knight Protectors. Thus a great shifting of priorities had to occur, where he sought to gain the favor of the circle. This was to be done by spending a significant amount of time with the circle, and participating in their grueling initiation rituals.

After much deliberation, a venue known as Old Glory was chosen for these sacred rites. Muffin was told nothing, except that there would be kamikazes there for him to face to prove his worthiness to the circle. Being taken to a mysterious place, being forced to meet dangerous people, and having to swear allegiance to the circle weren’t things that Muffin really wanted to do, but he realized that he must try his best in order to succeed in his goals. Old Glory eventually wound up to be a nice establishment with a well stocked bar. Anything could happen while there, and he realized that he was subject to any of their whims while he waited to be tested for his worth to the circle. Then they brought out the kamikazes that he had been dreading….

Muffin looked at the kamikaze in shock and amazement. He had heard many stories about the kamikazes role in World War 2, and yet they were no preparation for Muffin. The sheer size and intensity set him ablaze like many an aircraft carrier that had fallen victim in the war. Then Muffin realized that the kamikaze wasn’t wearing anything substantial. The coverings were just completely transparent and left nothing to the imagination. The raw unabashed tower made Muffin gasp, and as he did so, he was commanded to drink by Dave. Muffin wasn’t sure if he could handle this, and had to decide whether he was willing to take the first step in that direction. Equations of utility floated through Muffin’s head as he strove to attempt to balance them to figure out if everything in the end would be worth it. Dave then looked at Muffin impatiently, and commanded him to drink again. That was enough to convince him to do so, and thus Muffin dropped to his knees, closed his eyes, took the kamikaze into his hands and started drinking. After he was done, he wiped his mouth off, and craved more. Perhaps the alcohol in the kamikaze was getting to him, but Muffin put the glass down, and asked the bartender for another one just to make sure that it was as good as the first.

Finally it was time for the vows to prove to the circle that he is truly willing to go any distance for them. Muffin wondered what they would make him say. Perhaps to promise his immortal soul, or maybe merely faithful obedience over the rest of his stay; all of them were valid possibilities. After running through many of the worst things that he could think of, Muffin managed to prepare himself mentally for swearing whatever the circle would deem it necessary for him to do. Dave had him raise his right hand, and repeat the oath, “I, Muffin Kramer, do hereby swear that I will never again, in good faith, discharge my nose with abandon.” This seems to be an odd thing to say, but by planning for the worst, Muffin felt prepared to pledge this to the circle. Now all of the members of the circle congratulated, as he had cleared any questions that they might have had about his worth as an individual.

Now that Muffin had the acceptance of the circle, it was time to move to Phase 2 of his plan. After some thought, he decided to execute this plan when the group went out to the VIP club with Jane and friends. The VIP club turned out to be a very classy venue, with many well dressed attractive people, but yet Muffin had his focus that he couldn’t stray from if he hoped to be successful. However, in spite of all of the preparation and planning, Muffin was unable to find a good time to make a move while Phil was distracted. In his sadness, he merely drank some more, and went out to the dance floor to try to forget all of his potential dreams.

The group did not think about how they were planning on returning to Pittsburgh. After dropping off Sarah at her home, they realized that Sarah probably also wants a ride back with them, but yet they didn’t think to acquire contact information for her at her home so that they could talk with her about potential plans for the return trip. Mason being the one who has to drive fretted about how to get into contact with Sarah, and tried scouring the irc room in an attempt to find her phone number. Unfortunately she had removed her phone number from the bot named Omoikane who as a part time job worked as a phone book. Muffin seized this opportunity to attempt to demonstrate his coolness to Jane and her friends by showing them a bunch of anime music videos, including some of the ones that were made by bogosort, which are available here. Finally Mason got fed up, and left a message in an agreed upon drop box to Lee such that he could respond with information about Sarah’s phone number for the return trip. And with Sarah finally contacted, the group gathered and returned for Pittsburgh, with a sad Muffin who had failed in his attempts to grasp his hopes and dreams.
About this Entry
South Park Style
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Date:March 10th, 2003 10:11 pm (UTC)


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what an adventure! poor muffin, i think his first mistake was following kevin's advice to begin with ; )
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Date:March 11th, 2003 05:58 am (UTC)

Re: lol!

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HE LIES! It really WAS a left turn.
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Date:March 21st, 2003 01:39 pm (UTC)
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CMU... are we talking that fine learning institution in Pittsburgh?

- Molly
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Date:March 21st, 2003 01:53 pm (UTC)
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Yep, that'd be the one. Muffin is one of my friends who happens to be a CMU student right now(I'm a CMU grad and now staff member). Though I'm told that Central Michigan University actually owns the trademark on the name CMU, so we can't print any t-shirts with it on there. We own the domain name, so that's all that really matters.