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Jun. 16th, 2004 @ 04:22 pm July 4th!
Just because a party announcement makes for a silly meme, but anyone in Pittsburgh who doesn't have plans for the 4th should head on over.

Crosse-Posted Fromme Ye Livejournale of drspooky
All spelling, grammatical, and social errors herein are his fault.

It's time again. Some of you may be asking "Time for what?", the philosophically minded may be asking "What's time?", and the rest of you are probably wanting me to shut up and get to the point.

In the years past, I've held a party on the fourth of July. This party has been a sarcastic poke at a holiday that I feel is antithetical to a lot of my views, and the views of some of those that I keep the company of. The rest just sort of showed up, following the lure of friends, the smell of grilling, and the warm loving scent of liquor.

This year, I am sad to say, will be my last year as co-host of this party. As Laura and I shove off for the far shores to establish the colony of Neo-Pittsburgh in the pacific northwest, we ask for a proper send off rolled the annual celebration that we’ve all come to know so well. So it is, with sadness and joy that I present:

Last Chance

A Sanctioned Action of the Party Council of Olde Pittsburgh

Chairman (Midsummer): Erik J. Caponi (PM)
Chariman (Midwinter): John Eric Hoffmann (PM)

Minister of Vice: Katie Boyd (IM)
Minister of Asthetics: Laura Marsh (IM)
Minister of Houseland Security: Fred Zeleny (IM)
Tribunals Board: Sameer Yalamanchi (PM)
Party Council West Coast Dignitary: Adam Phelps (PM)

4 July 2004
2015 Wightman St
Pittsburgh, PA 15217

Early Afternoon until we get sick of you. Or just sick.

One thing to note, the amount spent for this party is reaching epic proportions. Because of this, we will be asking for a standard donation of $5+ per person to help cover costs, repair damage, bribe the police, and pay for hookers. We will very much appreciate the donation of food and drinks in addition to cash, but ask me how much we spent last year, and you’ll understand.

And that's it, we hope to see you there, any questions you may have can be answered below. Any other questions can be directed to Erik at erik -at- digitalfreaks.org or John Eric at hoffmann -at- digitalfreaks.org

Q: When is it?

A: The festivities will begin early afternoon on the fourth. Start showing up sometime then. It will last until we are done. This may be a long, long time. Crash space will be provided as needed, no one drives home drunk or sleepy, or we kill you before the road can.

Q: What is happening?

A: Much food, many drinks, loudness, music, fireworks, social interaction, meeting of new people, peace, love, beer. Mostly that social thing with a kiddie pool, and drinks.

Q: What else is happening?

A: There will likely be DDR. Perhaps a contest can be organized. Games may happen, depending on how apathetic the party council is coming up with them. There may be Halo somewhere. More information later.

Q: Don't things explode on the fourth?

A: So, we tried to take a walk up to flagstaff hill last year. It was mostly dissatisfying, and very few exploding things could be seen. A group outing may again be attempted, but it will depend entirely on interest.

Q: What do you need from us?

A: We will handle food basics, both carnivore and herbivore. Bring anything you like to share, or want for yourself. Drinks are always needed, so clean out your liquor closets, or stop at the store the day before, because alcohol is always in short supply, no matter how many bottles you see on that table.

Q: Donation? You asshole, I brought stuff!

A: Like I said, we really appreciate and need your donations of items to make the party fun for all, and your donation of money will help us with the massive costs that we ourselves take on. We wont be denying anyone any food or drink for lack of donation, or selling cups, but we may frown disapprovingly at you.

Q: So how much did last year cost then?

A: Counting food, decoration, repairs, and drinks, somewhere between $1500 and $2000.

Q: Holy shit!

Yeah, I know. See?

Q: Can I bring anyone?

A: Yes.

Bring everyone.

We lead sad pathetic lives, and we always love new people. Just make sure they aren't the sort of people who will steal our cars and food, or throw beer bottles ay passersby. Stupid people make drama, and drama makes me mad.

Q: But Ive never met you!

A: Nows your chance! Plus, there will be a lot of other people for you to amuse yourself with. Bring a friend, or a wingman, or a beard if you need to.

Q: Im from far away! Help!

A: We have people coming from California, Chicago, New York, DC, and all points in between. We can offer sleeping space, or make arrangements with someone else. There are usually activities the day before and after, especially since this is a weekend. Come visit Pittsburgh!

Q: Wait, Last Chance? Last Chance for what?

A: The answer to this is an exercise left up to the reader.

Q: Any special rules?

A: Yes.

1) Be polite and respectful to your fellow party goers, and ensure that your guests do to same. We've never had any problems, and we'd like not to start now.

2) If you must vomit, do it in something that can be flushed. Failure to do so will result in a penalty.

3) If you need help, ask for it. This includes sickness, emotional breakdowns, social faux pas, and broken stuff.

4) Don't break stuff. Broken stuff makes the baby jesus cry.

5) No public sex, if you please. See rule #1.

6) Have fun. We're trying to entertain you. Be nice and at least pretend you're having a good time.

7) Do whatever the bald men say. We rule you.

I hope to see all of you fuckers there.

And the new meme! Cross-post the 4th of July Party into your own livejournal! Just visit this posting in muffinsicon's livejournal, and you can copy this very text directly into your lj for the pre-cut pre-formatted party-enhancing goodness!
About this Entry
South Park Style
Date:June 16th, 2004 02:21 pm (UTC)
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That is probably the single most awesome party invitation I have ever read. Too bad I can't go :P Rock on!
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Date:June 16th, 2004 02:26 pm (UTC)
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What can I say, I have some awesome friends in Pittsburgh. What's stopping you? You should totally come down for it!
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Date:June 17th, 2004 09:25 am (UTC)
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That's a kickass icon.
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Date:June 17th, 2004 09:27 am (UTC)
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Check out the full version:
It's badass!
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Date:June 17th, 2004 09:44 am (UTC)
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I must wholeheartedly agree. :)

As for the 4th -- it's a Sunday this year, isn't it? Which would make it impossible for me to get back to Philadelphia in time for our normal Monday morning meeting... so I can't go.
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Date:June 17th, 2004 09:46 am (UTC)
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Sure you don't have Monday off? It is a federal holiday and all....
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Date:June 17th, 2004 09:46 am (UTC)
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Totally badass!
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